I`ll tell you an old-fashioned story
That grandfather used to relate
Of a builder and joining contractor
Who`s name it were Sam Oswaldthwaite
In a shop on the banks of the Irwell
There Sam used to follow his trade
In a place you`ll have heard of called Bury
You know where black puddings is made
One day Sam were filling a knot hole
With putty when in through the door
Came an old man fair reeked i`whiskers
An th`old man said good morning I`m Noah
Sam asked Noah what were his business
And t`old chap went on to remark
That not liking the look of the weather
He was thinking of building an ark
He`d got all the wood for the bulwarks
And all t`other shipbuilding junk
Now he wanted some nice birds-eye maple
To panel the sides of his bunk
Now maple were Sams monopoly
That means it were all his to cut
And nobody else hadn`t got none
So he asked Noah three ha`pence a foot
A ha`penny too much replied Noah
Penny a foots more the mark
A penny a foot and when rain comes
I`ll give you a ride in my ark
But neither would budge in the bargain
The whole thing were kind of a jam
So Sam put his tongue out at Noah
And Noah made long bacon at Sam
In wrath and ill-feeling they parted
Not knowing when they`d meet again
And Sam `ad forgot all about it
`Til one day it started to rain
It rained and it rained for a fortnight
It flooded the whole countryside
It rained and it still kept on raining
`Til th`Irwell were fifty miles wide
The houses were soon under water
And folks to the roof had to climb
They said t`was the rottenest summer
As Bury had had for some time
The rain showed no sign of abating
And water rose hour by hour
`Til th`only dry land were at Blackpool
and that were on top of the tower
So Sam started swimming for Blackpool
It took him best part of a week
His clothes were wet through when he got there
And his boots were beginning to leak
He stood to his watch-chain in water
On tower-top just before dark
When who should come sailing towards him
But old Noah steering his ark
They stared at each other in silence
`Til ark were alongside all but
Then Noah said what price yon maple
Sam answered three ha`pence a foot
Noah said nay I`ll make thee an offer
Same as I did t`other day
A penny a foot and a free ride
Now come on lad what do thee say
Three ha`pence a foot came the answer
So Noah his sail had to hoist
And sail off again in a dudgeon
While Sam stood determined but moist
So Noah cruised around flying his pigeons
`Til fortieth day of the wet
And on his way home passing Blackpool
He saw old Sam standing there yet
His chin just stuck out of the water
A comical figure he cut
Noah said now whats the price of yon maple
And Sam answered three ha`pence a foot
Said Noah you`d best take my offer
It`s the last time I`ll be hereabouts
And if water comes half an inch higher
I`ll happen get maple for nowt
Three ha`pence a foot it`ll cost you
And as for me Sam says don`t fret
`Skys took a turn since this morning
I think it`ll brighten up yet