All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers

All you need is elves The little people. All you need is elves, Love Elves are all you need Toys "R" Elves All toys are made by elves. Elves, elves, elves There's nothing we can't make.

Spinning Reel Bob Rivers

(Spinning Wheel - Blood, Sweat & Tears) Rod goes up Line goes out Spinning reel Fishing for trout Casting toward the bubbles and you reel it in Hook a speckled rainbow watch the spinning reel spin You

Beat Up Old Jetliner Bob Rivers

Goodbye to all my friends I've known And the travel agent I trusted. I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane; Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted.

There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers

Roll Take a look at the double chin He's weighing about 310 With golden chains and sequined belt below There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis Down at the K-Mart store But the scariest sight to see Is

Carol Of The Bartenders Bob Rivers

Hark all they got Tales seem to flow Gin tinkling More Chardonnay Christmas is here Drinking the cheer Ice cubes are cold More Cuervo Gold Don't be a dink Watch what you drink Don't be a dork Don't pop

Christmas Party Song Bob Rivers

trouble Got too drunk at the company affair Sat on the copier, wore no apparel Did it on a dare Insulted the boss and French-kissed a stranger Pinched his butt poured beer in his toupee Till someone said, "You

There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers

There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there Everywhere you look you can't escape There's Santas everywhere Bells are ringing, children screaming Something

The Twisted Chipmunk Song Bob Rivers

(All right you Chipmunks! Ready to sing your song? -I'll say we are! -Yeah! -Let's sing it now! Okay, Simon? -Okay! Okay, Theodore? -Okay! Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN! -OKAY!!!)

Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers

Got a flat in Timbuktu Waiting for AAA And I saw that single headlight through the rain Flagged the geezer in the car down, He was going the wrong way We sped away and left rubber on all four lanes He

When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers

If he is henpecked he can't see it; she can't do no wrong. Road Island Red is his best friend, he can't put her down.

I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers

You loved us when the band was hot. And now we're gonna give it one more shot. We're gettin' old, We must be crazy. We're puttin' on the makeup again. It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin.

O Little Town Of Bethlehem Bob Rivers

"Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light The hopes and fears of all the years

He's So Jolly Bob Rivers

He's so jolly Santa's so jolly Christmas night he's in his sled where he belongs You're looking great, Santa Lost some weight, Santa Red cheeks glowing, ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the

Manger 6 Bob Rivers

Hi, this is Tom Bodett for Manger 6. We know you have been traveling a lot this holiday season and you've probably been told there is no room at the Inn.

Joy To The World Bob Rivers

and nature sing Joy to the world The Savior reigns Let men their songs employ While fields and floods Rocks, hills, and plains the sounding joy the sounding joy , the sounding joy Joy to the world All

Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers

Fields I snack between meals You can see my crack above my Levis I don't need to diet To prove I'm light And I don't peel the skin off of my chicken Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Deep fry Don't exercise And

Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers

You could be dancing cheek to cheek Thong! Wiggle the string: play hide and seek Buy your workmate or your boss The proctologic dental floss That really works a hair across His astronomic bum Thong!

Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear Bob Rivers

"Lacey things, the wife is missing. Didn't ask, for her permission I'm wearing her clothes, her silk panty hose. Walking around in women's underwear. In the store, there's a teddy.

A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers

However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do. Mr.

Read It In The Tabloids Bob Rivers

You know JFK didn't really die. They got a picture and he looks all right. And Ross Perot's hanging out with ET. This woman had a kid at a hundred and three.

OJ's Trial Thing Bob Rivers

O.J., I think you did it. But I wanna know for sure. You expect people to believe that there are people actually playing golf at ten o' clock at night? Ya wanna know what I think?

FAREWELL ANGELINA Bob Dylan

FAREWELL ANGELINA Farewell Angelina The bells of the crown Are being stolen by bandits I must follow the sound The triangle tingles And the trumpet play slow Farewell Angelina The sky is on

Farewell, Angelina Bob Dylan

Farewell Angelina The bells of the crown Are being stolen by bandits I must follow the sound The triangle tingles And the trumpet play slow Farewell Angelina The sky is on fire And I must go.

Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Bob Rivers

And every hungry child is gonna spy To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry And so Im brushing on some honey glaze To keep them crisp and juicy too Lets hope they get served many times many ways

Flu Ride Bob Rivers

Just hear those noses snifflin' Sore throats ticklin' too Come on it's lousy weather To be sufferin' inside with the flu Outside the snow is fallin' Your fever's at 102 Let's take some Alka-Seltzer And

Minimum Wage Bob Rivers

A couple dollars, is just pocket change If I save my dough, For a month or so I couldn't buy a can of coke, It's a joke!

Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers

I'm getting fatter all the time. I used to be size 32 and I never gave. My jeans used to fit, I looked cool. Now I'm not the same. Put on a few pounds, my shape's getting round.

The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry husband: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree

Pokemon Bob Rivers

of money mon mon mon Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of Money mon mon mon mon We got to find a pokemon Before it's Christmas Eve The kids must have a Pikachu It's called I do believe They think that you

It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Bob Rivers

It's the most fattening time of the year With that pumpkin pie filling and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer It's the most fattening time of the year It's the lip smackingest season of all while your

O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads Bob Rivers

"Oh come all ye Grateful Deadheads to the concert Oh come Grateful Deadheads And camp in the street Bring rolling papers Don't forget your sleeping bags Oh come get us some floor seats We followed them

I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers

stiff and cold I bet he never saw the car Careening through the snow The lights shone brightly in his eyes And then they laid him low I came upon a roadkill deer And lifted him off the road We'll all

We Wish You Weren't Living With Us Bob Rivers

"We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We're not happy you're here You drive everybody crazy You're hopelessly fat and lazy You're constantly

I THREW IT ALL AWAY Bob Dylan

I THREW IT ALL AWAY I once held her in my arms, She said she would always stay. But I was cruel, I treated her like a fool, I threw it all away.

Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers

O.J. is napping, dropping his socks near the bag But there's somebody there, planting some hair. Officer Mark Fuhrman, (He likes to set up colored people) Where did that blood come from?

How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers

Lately all the songs I write Are slow and on the mellow side. I used to stand on MTV, But now they bring a chair for me.

Foreigners Bob Rivers

Stamping out our unions, (What do you mean, man?) Foreigners... Take jobs from Americans.

Youll Accompny Me Bob Seger

A gypsy wind is blowing warm tonight The sky is starlit and the time is right And still you're telling me you have to go Before you leave there's something you should know Yeah something you should

Decorations Bob Rivers

formations Imported from Third World nations I'm stringin' up decorations I'm freaking out fire stations I'm pumping out radiation My neighbors are out of patience Gotta keep those yuletide decorations up all

Bowel Moves Bob Rivers

Yet I'm waitin' on a bowel move, 'Cause I'm all bound up from cheese that's turned to glue. Prayin' for a bowel move. I'm out of paper again. Bowel move. Unhhhh....

Homeless On the Holidays Bob Rivers

Oh there’s food for the homeless on the holidays Cause no matter how filthy or uncombed If you’re down on your luck you can really graze For the holidays we throw those bums a bone I met a man who drank

I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers

I am Santa Claus Ho ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a year Children in their beds Visions of sugar plums fill their heads

Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers

It sets my tiny bottom all aglow. And every time I wiggle, Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din, A little further in it goes. (Ohhh/Yeah ...)

I'm A Weight Watcher Bob Rivers

You make these yourself? Well, maybe just two.

WHERE TEARDROPS FALL Bob Dylan

WHERE TEARDROPS FALL Far Away where the soft winds blow, Far away from it all, There is a place you go Where teardrops fall.

Grahbe Yahbalz Bob Rivers

Whipple fa la la la la la la la la la You’ll always get a big reaction fa la la la la la la la la la If you grab your balls like Michael Jackson fa la la la la la la la la la Merry Christmas Bubbles Grab

Rivers The Tallest Man On Earth

the fire of leaving pains When the love is gone, but the need remains Into the shivering cold of day When the house is gone, but the street remain Oh I guess it\'s true I guess these rivers never

Huck's Tune Bob Dylan

The short and the tall, are coming to the ball, I go there all the time. Behind every tree, there's something to see, the river is wider than a mile.

That Rhythm Man Louis Armstrong

Now the tress all sway to rhythm And the children play to rhythm All the birdies flap their wings in rhythm too Oh the breezes float to rhythm And the rivers flow to rhythm Ev`ry flower nods in rhythm

Jingle Hells Bells Bob Rivers

Ho Ho HoHo Ho HoLike Guns N Roses with Axel Rose spittin'Ozzie's black eyes and the bats that he's bittenBig Marshall stacks and a broken E-stringThese are a few of my favorite thingsHo Ho HoPentho...