(Original lyrics posted were for another song, "I love work". The lyrics for this song aren't on the net - I've transcribed them myself, so they may not be completely accurate in one or two spots.)
I woke up this morning, but I didn't wake
'Til the afternoon, because I slept in late
With a great mental state and a date with destiny
I rolled down the block without a copper even stressin' me
Let alone arrestin' me or giving me a ticket
It's coming into summer, and the weather's fucking wicked
So I figured I'd be hitting the beach
Look at skinny-dipper's titties and get something to eat
After half a pound of chips and a flounder burger
I was sitting on my arse like a council worker
Reminiscing about being pissed off about
My house burning down to the ground, and being out on my arse
Before my change of fortune
Now I score tunes, don't get up before noon
Since your mama's on the head of my knob
And it's better than heading to my dead-end job
Because the boss was a cockhead (when I was a clerk)
So I clocked him - and now I don't work
It's beautiful day, and I can use a cliche,
coz
I am the greatest! (..like Cassius Clay)
I got the world at my feet, and my toe jam's nasty
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I couldn't give a shit about your corporate hierachy
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man x4
I walk around in track-and-thongs
Fucked off a buck-of-bongs
If you don't like it, you can come suck a long
..dick! 'Cause I'm flipped off, all the way to hip hop
I get so plastered, you'd think I'm drinking gyp-rock
But I'm shit-hot, no matter how you look at it
And my lyrics make you wanna read a book a lit'
Don't - 'cause I'm cooking it right for the iron chef!
(That's why I'm deaf, up to the high clef)
(Figjam!)
And that's a fact, that Chief Wiggum and the fact
That neva laggards like a magic pack of Tim Tams
Where the buck stops and you suck and i don't give-a-damn, sucking on the cut
They should call me Edward Scissorhands
So give a hand for me and my associates
[Crickets chirping]
(You suck!)
Well that's just inappropriate
Smoke me a kipper, bitch
I'm from the Ip-a, switch
Side of town, don't forget to write it down
(West side, ey!)
What the fuck? It ain't gangster rap!
Think you're tougher, then you probably suffer wanker's cramp (?)
And I'll thank you to fuck right off
Professional fuckwits, take one night off
I'm Evil Eddie with a rock-steady microphone mastery
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
As a concept, the intellect can't grasp me
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I can't believe how good I am, I'm the motherfucking man x4
I got the strong profile, without the help of rhinoplasty
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
Kicking arse in the cha, but you can't ask me
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
I just had a threesome with ya moma and your aunty
(Figjam!)
Fuck I'm good, just ask me
And they're coming back this arvo for the bukkake party
(Figjam!)
My dick is bigger than a wigwam!
And you can see my peepee three feet behind my tv
And if you are getting very sleepy, wake up
(And these cunts need a shake up)
I'm a jet-setter, go-getter, but I got a vendetta
Just got a death threat over the phone
Better go lay low, underground, like a bilby
(Figjam!)
Chill man, people wanna kill me!
But I don't let that bullshit sweat me
I'm at yo mama's if you wanna come and get me,
You shady fuck. I may be stuck
In a crazy situation but I'm favoured by lady luck
You wanna stop me? You wanna do it properly
[Blam blam]
Ah fuck, somebody shot me.