Ladies and Gentlemen
May I have your attention please
Do you wake every morning
in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is
covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there
Well ladies and gentlemen
From now on
you can waken with ease
You need never again
have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle
marvelous rare
Gentlemen you are about
to see something wot rose
From the dead
On the top of my head
Scarcely a month ago gentlemen
I was suddenly struck with a rare
Oriental disease
Though the finest physicians
in London were called
I awakened one morning amazed
and appalled
To discover with dread
that my head was as bald
As a novice's knees
I was dying of shame
Till a gentleman came
An illustrious barber
Pirelli by name
He gave me a liquid
as precious as gold
I rubbed it in daily like wot
I was told
And behold
Less than thirty days old
'Twas Pirelli's
Miracle elixir
That's what did the trick sir
True sir true
Was it quick sir
Did it in a tick sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do
How about a bottle mister
Only costs a penny guaranteed
Penny buys a bottle I don't know
You don't need
Ah let's go
Go ahead and tug sir
Go ahead sir harder
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth sir
You can have my oath sir
'Tis unique
Rub a minute
Stimulatin' in'it
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week
Gently dab it
Gets to be a habit
Soon there'll be enough sir
Somebody can grab it
See that chap with
Hair like Shelley's
You can tell 'e's
Used Pirelli's
Let me have a bottle
Make that two
Pardon me sir
what's that awful stink
Smells to me like piss
and looks like ink
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle elixir
Anything wot's slick sir
Soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick sir
You can have your pick sir
Of the girls
See Pirelli's
Miracle elixir
Grow a little wick sir
Then some fuzz
The Pirelli's
Soon'll make it thick sir
Like a good elixir
Always does
Trust Pirelli's
If your hair is sick sir
Fix it in a nick sir
Don't look grim
Just Pirelli's
Miracle elixir
That'll do the trick sir
What about the money
If you've got a kick sir
What about the money
Where is this Pirelli
Go and get Pirelli
Tell it to the mixer
Of the miracle elixir
If you've got a kick sir
What about our money
Where is this Pirelli